Here are some lyrics to the Hemorrhoy Rogers double cassette, "Cream of What!?". Not responsible for spontaneous implosions during or after reading.

Notice! These lyrics are according to the lyric sheet. What is actually said in the songs may be slightly different.

#14: "Grape White Hemeroy"

i met a dog today its name was Hemeroy/ he made me eat a stinky piece of poopie/ i noticed a grape white hemorrhoid hanging precariously from his behind/ the retard in me reached out and grabbed it/ and pinched the Hemeroy hard/ now i am sorry/ hungry food will fill up mommy's tummy/ she thinks that i'm looking for Jesus/ in a curious way she was right/ i'll kick her skull in tonight/ La La LA LA LA!!!

#23: "Hemeroy's Brown Spot"

i once met a guy named Hemeroy/ he had a brown spot on his leg/ it was really neat/ today is the day i'm going to die/ let me just say good-bye/ don't touch that brown spot on Hemeroy's leg or he'll fuck you in the mouth

#30: "Hemorrhoy Has a Soul (Just Like Your Mom)"

Hemorrhoy Hemorrhoy Hemorrhoy/ Rogers/ Hemorrhoy's got this thing, called a face/ it makes him wander around/ he wanders around/ he wanders around looking for his keys/ hemorrhoy took his eyes out to get a bite to eat/ made sure to keep his arms/ well out of site/ and so he took a seat/ and waved goodbye/ he waved goodbye/ Hemorrhoy was waving goodbye to his soul

#31: "Hemorrhoy Eats Chicken"

i eat chicken/ that's what i do/ my name is Homorrhoy Rogers/ and i've very pleased to meat you/ now let me tell you/ i really think you're nieee!!!/ to eat a piece of chicken with you tonight/ i eat chicken!!!/ oh yeah!!!/ to eat a piece of chicken with you tonight!!!!!

#35: "Running Towards You Ball(s)"

when i was just a lad/ my neighbor's dog hit me real hard/ he bruised my shoulder, knocked me over and nearly made me die/ it seems just like the other day/ i killed a horse and ate its balls/ and now i'm running with the law/ i'm running from your dog/ i'm running with my mom/ i'm running into a wall/ i'm running toward your ball!!!!/ ball!!!

#36: "Hemorrhoy Ate a Fart"

Hemorrhoy ate a hamburger/ Hemorrhoy ate a hamburger/ wa wa wa wa wa wa wa/ ehn?

#44: "Crap"

Hemorrhoy Rogers

#50: "Ig Gonna Glue"

I'm gonna glue/ my head to my knee/ i'm gonna glue my dog to my foot/ then i'm gonna glue my head to a basketball

#51: "Your Dad Called"

Hemorrhoy Rogers/ ???

#57: "Hemorrhoy is a Dork-Rod"

if i won the lottery i'd go to the Pottery/ and then i'd hire a crack research team to research my crack

#61: "Hemorrhoy Flushes the Toilet"

i put spaghetti in my toilet/ i flushed it down/ oh baby baby i love that flushing sound/ then i pored Wheat chexs in my toilet i stirred them around/ oh baby, then i flushed them down/ i pushed my dog into my toilet and tried to flush her down/ i tried and tried to flush her down/ but she just kept spinning and spinning around/ ohh la la la ohh la la la umm la la la la

#69: "One Chunk"

one chunk of bloody pus oozing out a retard's ass/ then Hemorrhoy Rogers cleans it up with his tongue/ when Hemorrhoy Rogers wants to make love with a goat/ there's no way to escape

#72: "Brain Juggler"

you can not juggle your own brain/ but you can try you can try you can try/ if you try to juggle your own brain, let me tell you why you will die/ your brain is not an empty ball of mass/ it's nothing like a j ball at all/ it's not round firm or well balanced/ and worst of all it's stuck inside your skull/ and when you take it out of your head/ to juggle as you intended/ you'll have a big surprise

#77: "It's Not 3 Late"

welcome to Hemorrhoy Rogers' world/ a world of fanciful food and narrow dogs/ enjoy you're self/ Hemorrhoy Rogers picks his feet/ Hemorrhoy Rogers scratches his leg/ Hemorrhoy Rogers then takes a nap and wakes up to food/ it's not too late to kill a dog/ it's not too late to kill you mom/ it's not too late to kill your friends/ Hemorrhoy Rogers rides again!/ Hemorrhoy Rogers he's the guy/ it's not too late to go to sleep/ it's not to eat some food/ kill everybody is Hemorrhoy Rogers' message/ heed it well

#88: "Me Myself and It"

me myself and It/ we both have same armpit

#89: "What I Would Do If I One 100 Million Dollars"

if i one 100 million dollars i'd buy a big house/ then i'd go buy a thousand dogs and let them loose inside the house/ i'd lock the door and come back in a week/ Rock!

#93: "I Once Met a Guy Named Hemorrhoy Rogers"

and i thought he was going to destroy the world/ eating breakfast was his game!

#97: "The Monkeys Are Coming! (This is Actually a Good Song, You'll Like it Lots!)"

Hemorrhoy Rogers is his name.

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