††††††††††† "the lyrics you come up with
can confuse even the smartest person... I bet if Stephen Hawkings heard your
work he would get an aneurism!"
††††††††††† Oh yeah? Who said that?
††††††††††† Your peehole.\
††††††††††† ďWhy, I havenít bathed in three
††††††††††† Do you have
the new XHeroinX LP in stock?
††††††††††† Have you ever wondered if pumpkin
spice seltzer is made from dishwater?
††††††††††† Iím typing
in red now because Iím a communist. Speaking of, Muammar Qathafi was a great
guy. No, really. He was the last person on the whole stupid planet who actually
knew what was going on, and was against it at the same time. Of
course they killed him. Wait, is this red or orange? Iím not sure. Iím
color blind. Yes, Iím serious. Okay itís red now, Iím pretty sure. Did I
mention Iím an idiot? Wahoo! (Bea Arthur).
††††††††††† I hate
butterflies. Theyíre just stupid as hell. Actually, hell isnít stupid. Or you
know... the domain of the dark ones. Itís obviously a good place. Why would the
dark gods punish the ones who disobeyed that lunatic Elohim? Seriously. I
really do like cheese. Well... I will shave off one pound of armpit cheese and
mail it to you, if you mail me 36 goats. They have to be live ones though.
††††††††††† Did you ever consider that your
habit of thinking really fast all the fucking time might be really
goddamn annoying? Not only that, but stupid as hell? Dammit I thought I already
said Hell isnít stupid. Who keeps coming in here and scribbling on my coloring
††††††††††† Iím really old and no, I donít want
to fuck anybody. Kick yourself in the face.
††††††††††† Iíd punch you in the balls, but
since youíre a United States Marine / fan of South Park, that would not be
††††††††††† You remember that Nauscopy bullshit?
Donít worry, nobody else does either. You can have my brain for a dollar. Hurry
before the price goes down. Do scorpions drink water? Letís find out!
††††††††††† You like politics? Good, shut up
then. I have a shotgun and three pounds of LSD. Does that make me a moderate?
How about a Squidatarian?
††††††††††† Would you like to know the password
to my bank card? So would I. If you discover it, please mail me 36 goats. 36
(and 63) is (are) a (b) really good number(s). Reasons? I shall refrain from
mentioning, in the interest of Czechoslovakia.
††††††††††† Do you have a penis? Oh well. Better
luck next life. Speaking of luck... Iím amazingly poverty. Thatís for sand ham!
I think I have three cents around here somewhere. Probably holding the couch
up. Everyone else is touring Greenland and Malaysia and Idaho and shit, Iím
still stuck scraping the redneck residue off the floor of the pizza place with
my tongue. They pay me for that, I think. You expect me to remember everything?
I fed grandpa last time, dammit.
††††††††††† Oh yeah, Iím also on welfare (ducks
bullets) because my brain is for shit. Iím not going to start talking about it
because if I do Iíll have to go to the damn hospital again. Shut up or Iíll
give birth to you.
††††††††††† Iím old enough to be some guy. Maybe
even older than that.
††††††††††† Am I supposed to be drunk? Well I
donít feel like it right now. Contrary to what the damn book says, I donít like
cottage cheese. Who could eat that shit?
††††††††††† If you can convince me that Jesus
ever existed, I will walk all the way to your house (even if you live in
Indonesia) and disembowel myself with a tuning fork right in front of you. You
may wonder, ďHow can he make such a promise? Is it because his skull is so
thick that nothing will change his mind?Ē The answer is Alex Trebeck.
††††††††††† Iím not clever, so go fuck a goat.
But not one of the 36. Go get your own. In fact I hate clever people. Clever
people, what have they done? Assraped a planet, thatís what. Go Shakespeare!!
††††††††††† You probably expect me to do shit
like this every other day so you can decide to continue being my friend for
another 37 minutes. Bend over a little further, my tongue hasnít quite reached
your small intestine yet. Dickmeat.
††††††††††† So you are convinced Iím some
worthless troll. Actually, Iím quite adorable. Well, at least for several days
after I take a shower. My gums bleed a lot. Why am I so defensive? Oh I donít
know. Maybe Iíll just eat 72 pot brownies and play nosepick with my shadow from
here to 1953. I bet I wonít get paid for that.
††††††††††† I eat just to hear myself gain
weight. My mother was killed by farts. Such a merciful death for someone of
that caliber. Elbowfuck. People only get paid to suffer. Look at all the people
who are suffering, and theyíre not even getting paid for it. Oh wait, starving
to death isnít suffering. Itís a jukebox party! I want all these businessmen
stains to go to Bangladesh and go mantra-style: ďGET A JOB, YOU LAZY BUMĒ until
their throats all pop out from overuse and then the starving kids can eat the
businessmen. Be sure to clean that meat, you donít know where itís been.
††††††††††† I guess you can figure out by now
why Iím so goddamn lonely.
††††††††††† God is a sack of shit. Just so you
††††††††††† You think the Jews control
everything, huh? Wrong. The KKK controls everything. Every member of the CIA Ė
past, present, future Ė klan members. But the white cock is so TASTY!
††††††††††† You ever notice these fucking
manatees that canít move a fart muscle without screaming ďOH MY GOD HEíS
POLITICALLY CORRECT, FUCKINí SHIT!Ē ...? Kind of hard not to, unless youíre one
of them (and you probably are). Just make sure nobody sees you with your white
pointy hoods at the laundromat. To quote Frank Discussion, ďHas anyone ever
told you youíre beautiful when youíre following orders?Ē
††††††††††† By the way, these symbols mean
nothing to you because youíre fucking illiterate. Hey, Iím illiterate too... if
youíve ever read a good book, chances are Iíve already killed you. On the other
hand, if youíre some church-munching, pick-up-driving, flag-fucking, KKK Dildo
Factory, chances are youíre my mom. Torture is the only answer for these
people. Wait, are they even people?
††††††††††† And if you donít like that picture, thereís really
something wrong with you.
††††††††††† Check back for more bullshit, in 93 years or so.