††††††††††† "the lyrics you come up with can confuse even the smartest person... I bet if Stephen Hawkings heard your work he would get an aneurism!"
††††††††††† Oh yeah? Who said that?
††††††††††† Your peehole.\
††††††††††† ďWhy, I havenít bathed in three weeks!Ē
††††††††††† Do you have the new XHeroinX LP in stock?
††††††††††† Have you ever wondered if pumpkin spice seltzer is made from dishwater?
††††††††††† Iím typing in red now because Iím a communist. Speaking of, Muammar Qathafi was a great guy. No, really. He was the last person on the whole stupid planet who actually knew what was going on, and was against it at the same time. Of course they killed him. Wait, is this red or orange? Iím not sure. Iím color blind. Yes, Iím serious. Okay itís red now, Iím pretty sure. Did I mention Iím an idiot? Wahoo! (Bea Arthur).
††††††††††† I hate butterflies. Theyíre just stupid as hell. Actually, hell isnít stupid. Or you know... the domain of the dark ones. Itís obviously a good place. Why would the dark gods punish the ones who disobeyed that lunatic Elohim? Seriously. I really do like cheese. Well... I will shave off one pound of armpit cheese and mail it to you, if you mail me 36 goats. They have to be live ones though.
††††††††††† Did you ever consider that your habit of thinking really fast all the fucking time might be really goddamn annoying? Not only that, but stupid as hell? Dammit I thought I already said Hell isnít stupid. Who keeps coming in here and scribbling on my coloring book?
††††††††††† Iím really old and no, I donít want to fuck anybody. Kick yourself in the face.
††††††††††† Iíd punch you in the balls, but since youíre a United States Marine / fan of South Park, that would not be applicable.
††††††††††† You remember that Nauscopy bullshit? Donít worry, nobody else does either. You can have my brain for a dollar. Hurry before the price goes down. Do scorpions drink water? Letís find out!
††††††††††† You like politics? Good, shut up then. I have a shotgun and three pounds of LSD. Does that make me a moderate? How about a Squidatarian?
††††††††††† Would you like to know the password to my bank card? So would I. If you discover it, please mail me 36 goats. 36 (and 63) is (are) a (b) really good number(s). Reasons? I shall refrain from mentioning, in the interest of Czechoslovakia.
††††††††††† Do you have a penis? Oh well. Better luck next life. Speaking of luck... Iím amazingly poverty. Thatís for sand ham! I think I have three cents around here somewhere. Probably holding the couch up. Everyone else is touring Greenland and Malaysia and Idaho and shit, Iím still stuck scraping the redneck residue off the floor of the pizza place with my tongue. They pay me for that, I think. You expect me to remember everything? I fed grandpa last time, dammit.
††††††††††† Oh yeah, Iím also on welfare (ducks bullets) because my brain is for shit. Iím not going to start talking about it because if I do Iíll have to go to the damn hospital again. Shut up or Iíll give birth to you.
††††††††††† Iím old enough to be some guy. Maybe even older than that.
††††††††††† Am I supposed to be drunk? Well I donít feel like it right now. Contrary to what the damn book says, I donít like cottage cheese. Who could eat that shit?
††††††††††† If you can convince me that Jesus ever existed, I will walk all the way to your house (even if you live in Indonesia) and disembowel myself with a tuning fork right in front of you. You may wonder, ďHow can he make such a promise? Is it because his skull is so thick that nothing will change his mind?Ē The answer is Alex Trebeck.
††††††††††† Iím not clever, so go fuck a goat. But not one of the 36. Go get your own. In fact I hate clever people. Clever people, what have they done? Assraped a planet, thatís what. Go Shakespeare!!
††††††††††† You probably expect me to do shit like this every other day so you can decide to continue being my friend for another 37 minutes. Bend over a little further, my tongue hasnít quite reached your small intestine yet. Dickmeat.
††††††††††† So you are convinced Iím some worthless troll. Actually, Iím quite adorable. Well, at least for several days after I take a shower. My gums bleed a lot. Why am I so defensive? Oh I donít know. Maybe Iíll just eat 72 pot brownies and play nosepick with my shadow from here to 1953. I bet I wonít get paid for that.
††††††††††† I eat just to hear myself gain weight. My mother was killed by farts. Such a merciful death for someone of that caliber. Elbowfuck. People only get paid to suffer. Look at all the people who are suffering, and theyíre not even getting paid for it. Oh wait, starving to death isnít suffering. Itís a jukebox party! I want all these businessmen stains to go to Bangladesh and go mantra-style: ďGET A JOB, YOU LAZY BUMĒ until their throats all pop out from overuse and then the starving kids can eat the businessmen. Be sure to clean that meat, you donít know where itís been.
††††††††††† I guess you can figure out by now why Iím so goddamn lonely.
††††††††††† God is a sack of shit. Just so you know.
††††††††††† You think the Jews control everything, huh? Wrong. The KKK controls everything. Every member of the CIA Ė past, present, future Ė klan members. But the white cock is so TASTY!
††††††††††† You ever notice these fucking manatees that canít move a fart muscle without screaming ďOH MY GOD HEíS POLITICALLY CORRECT, FUCKINí SHIT!Ē ...? Kind of hard not to, unless youíre one of them (and you probably are). Just make sure nobody sees you with your white pointy hoods at the laundromat. To quote Frank Discussion, ďHas anyone ever told you youíre beautiful when youíre following orders?Ē
††††††††††† By the way, these symbols mean nothing to you because youíre fucking illiterate. Hey, Iím illiterate too... if youíve ever read a good book, chances are Iíve already killed you. On the other hand, if youíre some church-munching, pick-up-driving, flag-fucking, KKK Dildo Factory, chances are youíre my mom. Torture is the only answer for these people. Wait, are they even people?
††††††††††† And if you donít like that picture, thereís really something wrong with you.
††††††††††† Check back for more bullshit, in 93 years or so.