Things I Am




Dzkep Coneog VII


·       The Abrahamic “god” did not create the universe, even though he exists. The universe has always been here in some form or another. This being is lord only of “heaven”, which is where people like Dick Cheney, Pat Robertson, con artists, Donald Trump, militaristic individuals, illiterate hicks, and Harold Camping go. Heaven is a lot like the marine corps or a juvenile detention facility. Or Mississippi.

·       This being wants to sucker in as many people as he possibly can. He is the master of suffering and garbage. He is like the Sun, associated with Light. Fuck the Sun.

·       Kill babies.

·       Satan, on the other hand, is lord of “Hell”. He rewards those brave and smart enough to stand up against “God”; he obviously doesn’t punish them for this: he is the ENEMY of god. God is the root of all human problems and Satan just might be able to destroy him once and for all.

·       Christianity is the most evil garbage on the planet. Good thing they’re all going to “heaven”. Have fun, assholes!

·       Karl Marx was Satanic, but he was never aware of this. Karl Marx had good ideas. He didn’t think there should be people running around with millions of dollars. He had the wacky idea that all people have the right to flourish.

·       Get a gun to protect yourself from these illiterate hicks. Otherwise, they’re liable to reproduce.

·       Human sacrifice is a good idea for certain types of adults, such as:

o      People who listen to country music radio stations

o      Christians

o      Creationists

o      People who use violence on their children (A slap in the face counts as VIOLENCE)

o      Anyone who has ever willingly joined the military (or likes the idea of the military, or war, or yellow fucking ribbons)

o      People who like South Park, Fox News, Anne Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Newt Gingrich, Ronald Reagan, Billy Milano, Slayer, Hitler, Stalin, Mengele, Richard Nixon, Forrest Gump, Dr. Phil, COPS (the television show), cops (the human beings), Mythbusters, Snopes...

o      Anyone who can legally kill you if they happen to feel like it

o      Nihilists

o      People who suck empirical evidence’s dick

o      People who make statements that are perfectly logical and yet are total red herring bullshit

o      People who don’t understand something as moronically simple as: Logic doesn’t point to anything outside itself

o      White supremacists

o      Misogynists

o      The Ku Klux Klan

o      Everyone who has ever been involved with the Central Intelligence Agency

o      People who consume hot dogs, bologna, steak, bacon, ham, mashed potatoes, gravy, margarine, diet soda, American tobacco, beer, grits, McDonald’s, Friendly’s...

o      Anyone who makes more than forty grand a year

o      Anyone who is essentially right wing

o      People who think the pledge of allegiance is a good idea

o      People who think Jesus actually existed

o      People who don’t use anything past their five senses

o      Trolls

o      People who don’t know SHIT about geography

o      People who think hippie culture is worse than redneck culture

o      Non-black people who use the word “nigger” (Use as an example of how dogshit-stupid the word is obviously doesn’t count)

o      Anyone who still uses the word “bitch” to describe a female human

o      Anyone who approves of Seth Putnam, the Ramones, Lee Ving, or any other nouveau-right “punk” dumbass

o      People who think getting turned on by someone is the equivalent of raping that person.

o      People who see NO connection between employment and rape.

o      People who abandon a conversation topic when they’re suddenly satisfied by the fact that you’re not

o      People who regard ANYTHING as 100% truth. In case you missed it, I said: ANYTHING. I don’t give a shit if it’s a book, a person, a religion, a science, an idea, logic, reality, a philosophy, law, Wikipedia, the New York Times, Maximum Rocknroll, this webpage, your life experience, I don’t give a goddamned fuck. If you are so fucking unable to think for yourself then stop using my oxygen already.

o      Babies! Let me explain: Babies aren’t people. They turn into people later, but they’re not people. Killing a baby is like killing a mosquito. They behave like simple organisms because that’s what they are.

·       Can you feel the darkness yet? Bathe in it. Lick it. Fuck God. Go Satan!

·       The United States desperately needs to have the shit nuclear bombed out of it, starting with Area 51. As a wise man once said, “A world without America is A WORLD WITHOUT PROBLEMS.”

·       Stop fucking over Africa, goddammit. Seriously, is that even Qaddafi there, waging war on his own people? Seriously. I want someone to unzip that suit. Might be an alien under there, but it’s probably just George H. W. Bush.

·       There just aren’t enough dead white babies, dammit.

·       So cheer up! Satan hears your prayers.