THIS IS QUACKTRON
(actually, just one representation of him)
(notice the small “h”)
QUACKTRON is the god of FAILURE and the PRIMARY DEITY in QUACKTROLOGY.
So FUCK YOU!
All manifestations of the all-weak Quacktron are small pieces of lint. I’ll bet you didn’t know that!
We also worship scorpions (the animals, not the fucking band)
We deny the existence of Christ and we denounce the Abrahamic “god” as a total asshole
Our chief enemy is SUCCESS in ALL of its forms
Also things that are “well-liked”
We’re not talking about...
“I succeeded in keeping myself alive today”
We ARE talking about:
“I started a band and made a hundred grand!!!”
This religion is GUARANTEED to be the ONLY ONE THAT ISN’T HYPOCRITICAL because it will
NEVER BECOME SUCCESSFUL.
Our HOLY PILGRIMAGE SITE is HKAKABO RAZI, the highest mountain in BURMA. The holy land stretches through the Himalayas and into southeast Asia, including Tibet, Nepal, northeast India, Bhutan, Burma, Laos, Cambodia, Vietnam, and to lesser extents, Bangladesh and Thailand. We are also crazy about Iran, Azerbaijan, Albania, Mali, Tanzania, Western Sahara and Papua New Guinea. We fucking hate Ireland, the United States, and most of South America. (NOTE TO RETARDS: “South America” begins at COLOMBIA, NOT MEXICO!)
Here are some other things we Quacktrologists (YUP, IT RHYMES WITH “PROCTOLOGISTS”) regard as TOTAL DOGSHIT:
(items in blue are REQUIRED)
Corn on the cob
The KKK and related “values”
The religious right
Metal music (with the exception of DEICIDE)
American country music
LIVE AUDIO PERFORMANCES OF ALL KINDS
adults using violence on children (YES, A SLAP IN THE FACE IS VIOLENCE!!!)
And here are some things we FUCKING LOVE:
Punk and garage bands that never got well-known (unless they got attention MOSTLY from notorious compilation series, such as Killed By Death or Pebbles)
Vinyl records (and 78 rpm records) (not SHITTY ones)
LAMB (as food)
GOAT (as pet or food)
OCTOPUS (as pet or food)
The Symbionese Liberation Army
world FUCKING peace
creative mental illness
the Black Panthers
folk and classical musics of Asia and Africa (including the Mideast)
David Lynch (except BLUE VELVET and THE STRAIGHT STORY; the jury is still out on Twin Peaks)