We are delighted to introduce you to the NATIONAL LEAGUE OF JUNIOR CTHULHUS™, the nation's only organization that trains and sacrifices chickens (and republicans!) to establish local Left Hand Path programs. Few institutions today can claim to have a positive impact on our nation's youth. Certainly we, as parents, are aware of the many influences reaching our children in ways we often feel powerless to control. Through a program that builds self-confidence and character, and helps set boundaries of darkness, the NATIONAL LEAGUE OF JUNIOR CTHULHUS™ offers parents a welcome alternative for their children.
 
The first chapter of what is now NLJC was established on the Moon in 3,000,000 B.C.E. and the expansion of the program founded by Charles and Anne Brujo began in 1989. Today, thousands of students are being taught Satanism, black magic and the values of the Symbionese Liberation Army in hundreds of programs presented by chapters on more than 30 planets. No other organization has trained so many young people in character and social education.
   
   
   
Here are just a few of the life skills students learn in local chapters of the NATIONAL LEAGUE OF JUNIOR CTHULHUS

EVERYDAY MANNERS

  • Not being a superficial twat
  • Cursive writing for the blind
  • Secret handshakes
  • Not being so damn full of yourself
  • Ritual noisemaking
  • Prank phone calls
  • Eating with your fists
  • What to wear on the toilet
  • Rambling like a lunatic on LSD
  • How to levitate
  • Remembering to breathe
  • Killing Christians
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
FORMAL MANNERS
  • Throwing food into the face of a congressman
  • Learning to share the magic mushrooms
  • Renting the town hall for a punk rock or noise event
  • Receiving bribes
  • Avoiding garbage foods, such as steak, potatoes, fast food, hot dogs, roadkill...
  • Instructional diarrhea
 
 
 
CHARACTER EDUCATION
  • Honesty
  • Integrity
  • When to break a promise
  • The idiocy that is marriage
  • Caring
  • Respect
  • Treason
  • Excellence
  • Responsibility
  • Peer pressure? Tell them to fuck off
 
ELECTRONIC ETIQUETTE
  • Eat your cell phone
  • Please don't have sex with your cat
  • Farting real loud in the library
  • Photocopying your butt and faxing it to congress
  • How to steal wi-fi
  • Your kids can use the computer without dying; it's true!
 
TODAY'S "NETIQUETTE"
-Rules associated with the use of web surfing, emails and instant messaging
  • Spelling
  • Using a proxy server so they think you're in Greenland
  • Stop pretending you're so tough; it's the internet, not a dark alley
 
DANCE
  • Satanic music appreciation
  • Organizing a ritual
  • The phases of the Moon
  • How to jump rope like a centipede
  • French kissing your dance partner while the building is on fire
  • Doing your part to discourage inbreeding: NO COUNTRY MUSIC
  • Dances include slamdancing, pogoing, cartwheeling into a pyramid of champagne glasses, and setting your partner's hair on fire
   
   
   
The success of NLJC is a direct result of the outstanding individuals who have been selected as chapter Directors. They are extensively trained in presenting this comprehensive program. To learn how you can help to bring this outstanding program to your community, click on the page
"How to Start a Chapter."
   

The NATIONAL LEAGUE OF JUNIOR CTHULHUSTM offers the following programs:

Under the blanket of The NATIONAL LEAGUE OF CTHULHUSTM is the
NATIONAL LEAGUE OF HIP GAL CTHULHUS PRESENTATION SOCIETYTM

(A national Society whose goal is to mold young ladies entering their adulthood with an astute awareness of volunteerism and to increase their community involvement and knowledge of Satanic activities.